What to say to a grieving person...definitely not "it's a pity'...find out here

Let us Talk about Grief. Yes, that word that aches the soul and gets one's eyes welled up in tears.
How do you handle it and how do we handle it too? We are always looking for the right words and expressions to use to convey our sincere sympathy to the bereaved; and also to  the people suffering severe loss. Most times we are at loss of what to say and, even worse still, how to say what to say.
You might want to ask, ''How do you say what,when you don't know what to say?''


Amidst the new crops of grammarians—writing ever productively and infecting every Nigerian with their one-sided grammar rule and expect us all to stick to it—are still some reasonable linguists who  have the patience to get the real facts for our diction's betterment.

Please my friends, say no to All Nigerian grammarians who do not, i repeat, do not have concrete evidence to back whatever rule their quoting. Most times these rules are born out of what they perceive to be grammatically correct; as though English  were a subject as static as math, where 1+1=2.

All the common-errors-in-English kind of books we always buy to read need to be questioned. Plenty of them have falsified many correct expressions like 'extreme end' and called it tautology; but when you check out some dictionaries, you will see extreme end, extreme limit and various ways to express that.

Certain things we think are wrong, are actually very correct just because English says so, And if you are willing to learn, then pay rapt attention.

Remember we were told that when you go to express your condolences, it is safe for you not to say 'I am sorry' everybody there will think you killed the person, or perhaps you in one way or the other caused the death.

Grammarians rushed in to save the situation and came up with, It is a pity. Right now, more than 90% of Nigerians use that expression. When I put on my T.V and wind up on my couch to enjoy my leisure time,  Nigerian Soap Operas and Nollywood jump onto my TV screen, displaying some histrionics telling us it is a pity.  Immediately I hear that, I retort by saying ,''it is definitely a pity that you don't know the right word to use to convey your condolences''. Well, I don't get to say it loud because some grammarians may decide to lynch me up by laying into me...LOL



Why is it wrong to use it is a pity?  British people use it's a pity when they mean it's a shame or it's unfortunate. E.g. It's a shame we found out she stole the phone; it's unfortunate, I can't give you the correct address, maybe Simdy can help with that.

I also do understand that pity also mean sympathy for the suffering of others. if you still want to use pity at this point, say something like this 'I feel pity for them' but then realize that your countenance also matters here too.  Sometimes when we say 'I pity someone', we in fact mean the complete opposite of it. Unfortunately, that irony is what Nigerians have gotten used to.

The verb form of pity literally translates to 'commiserate with' , 'feel compassion for' or  'be sorry for'. Looking at all these words, it still will be best to say the literal translations rather than the word itself.



Finally, 'sorry' may have been crucified, banned and grammarians almost about to completely obliterate it, but  if you are privileged to see lots of British and American movies, you will know that Nigerians have hugely misunderstood the usage of this word.

 Surprisingly, the best expressions to  be used when condoling the bereaved are
I am sorry for your loss
I am deeply sorry for your loss
I am sorry to hear about your loss
Accept my sympathy
Accept my condolences

These are the ones I can vouch for are correct enough to be used...not it is a pity.
If you have become so engrossed with the word pity, it is safe to use it properly like this... I feel deep pity for your loss.

 Alright, run along now and go make your research . Unlearn the not-so-good expression and take on the better ones.
Finally, as I haven't done in a while, may we have the patience to learn good expressions from nothing else but the dictionary.

Cheers!