RELIGION: HOW THE CHOIR MAKES OR MARS THE CHURCH.

                           How the Choir Makes or Mars the Church.

 

 

I have been to so many churches and my tongue has tasted the sweet savour of gossips served like deliciously hot latte in beautiful mugs;  the choristers sipped as they giggled at each other while the sermon went on. This happens on the choir stand. Yes, on the choir stand. That stand that breeds all sort of personalities, where the devil closes in to attack and the angel stands on guard.

Yes, the choir stand breeds enmity and pride. If Nnenna embellished her song, Aramide would definitely get a green tinge in her eye, seeking ways to get Nnenna’s image mucky enough to make the whole church see her filth worn around her neck like a garland. If Femi did his beautiful riffs and runs, that was supposedly out of the world, Harrison would definitely see it as being totally expunged of all spirituality, emphasizing that he performed in the flesh rather than in the spirit. That’s not all.

The choir stand has the latest gossips ever: international, local and even parochial gossips. Well the gossip that sells the best are the parochial ones: the ones within the church itself. You get to know the affluent men in the church, the ladies who have had several abortions and how many times they have had such, the ladies warming the  pastor's bed and the people who are purportedly doing dirty businesses in the church.

 

‘ Choi! If sister Nkechi isn’t a whore, only God knows the Alhaji  she might be dating  at the moment that lavishes money on her like she is the Cleopatra of this century, mtcheew.’. Another says, ‘Well I heard Emma is dating Amaka now, hmm, see who has been used and dumped’ pointing over to the front pew of the choir stand. Oh that would be Sister Njideka, she probably just had abortion few months ago and  her relationship with Emma went sour. ‘oh poor girl. Her heart would just be bleeding right now’ says the other sister.  Sister Njideka on the other hand, is right about now, intensely ogling the pastor,’Omawumi told me that pastor Timothy was really good in bed. Hmm, I really hope he finds me attractive when I go for counseling this week. I am ready to tell him how I did it with that good for nothing weakling. I will definitely get him excited and have him speaking in tongues on top of me soon’.

 

At another corner, Okechukwu  looks on with such menacing grimace saying in his heart ‘bunch of unrepentant fornicators in the house of God. Christ have mercy’, whereas, two brothers are talking about how messy his bathroom gets with that life-filled substance since he is yet to get laid. They giggle gently so they don’t get heard by others.

Here at the stand, everyone seems to have some curd to chew like the goats in my grand ma’s pen. What else can they possibly talk about?

Please, who are we deceiving if I may ask?

I was in this big Pentecostal church one certain Sunday with a friend. He met his fellow chorister after service who had asked why he wasn’t sitting near the choristers, that it would have been good if he had stayed there, because all the tiny details and the dirty linens of the church got flaunted, tossed and hurled all over the choir stand. Hmm… And he as sure as hell had his ears itching for all those juicy wanton details.

Well, it’s so easy to know this. Just stay around the choir stand next Sunday and see for yourself. You will go home with at least one piece of news, either consequential or inconsequential.

Yes, nevertheless this choir is the key to the growth of a church. Have a big and professional choir and watch your congregation grow exponentially; or get a mediocre choir with boring output,  and have yourself a congregation as scarce as hen’s teeth.

The power of any church is in the delivery of the choir and the touching sermon of the clergy . The day the choir does well, the congregation’s dopamine is tripled in their blood streams, but when they flunk, the message of the day would get suspended in the atmosphere waiting to return to the deliverer’s pocket, that would be the pastor.

 All choirs have the key to unleash angels on their churches, at the same time they have the key to release several demons capable of tormenting the members. I am not here to badmouth choristers. No. The few bad eggs have let their disease fester to others, and soon the whole crate will all be miserably putrid.

 We should use this opportunity to call back all our brethren singing for the LORD. It is not about learning Sinach’s or Samsong’s or Donnie Mclurkin’s speaking in tongues and then flaunting it to the entire church as though you were singing from the seventh heaven with an unimaginably pristine heart. No. You need to be truly slain in the spirit, and when that is achieved for all choir members, I think the gossip will vanish into thin air. Please for more information on how to get the Holy Spirit, kindly contact your pastor okay?

So the question is, who do we start with?  I need to start with myself; take myself to the Holy Ghost’s slaughter house and have my spirit butchered and purged of all those negative energies before anybody else. It is absolutely necessary.

I love you all and I hope that this will ignite the change needed for a positive transformation.

Alright, I do actually know that there are a few good choristers but I am making this toast to everyone. So, here is to all choristers, may your lives be far less complicated with ENVY, STRIFE and, most importantly, GOSSIP than they are right now. 
 Oh! Before I forget, may your life (the reader) and mine be far less complicated with those qualities too. lol

Cheers!

BY KINGSLEY IFECHUKWU M.